Practicality Reigns

I was once told that if God wants you to do something, then it will seem impossible. Or at least impossible for you to do on your own. I think that as humans, we always think in a practical manner. Efficiency is the name of the game. Less inputs and more outputs. We are always striving to center our lives around the idea that God would never put us out. He would never make us do more than we thought possible. That would be outrageous!! We are not ready for that!!

Ok, pause... what authority do we have to call the shots?? I can barely figure out what to wear in the morning, let alone remember to take a shower - how am I supposed to then be able to identify what is impossible, and what is TOO much for me to handle?? When are we ever ready for what God has in store?? Is that not His mystery and splendor?? We marvel at the fact that God is so big and so unfathomable, but when it comes to Him working in our lives, we set limits. Surely, He cannot do what He thinks He can, because clearly, I'm not who He thought I was...

WHAT?! If a hair on your head fell off right now, not only would He know its name, but He would know exactly how many atoms resided on it... How many bonded proteins it took to create its length... The location of its original follicle dwelling. God created the working capacity in you. It's time that we stop denying that. For so long I have spent my life believing in God, but not believing in myself. At Woodbine UMC one Sunday morning a few years ago, the sermon was on loving yourself. I began to write it off as a selfish look at life, but then I listened closely. I realized that when you do not believe in yourself, indirectly you do not believe in God. You do not believe that He can work through you. You do not believe that His power is enough to power the mess that you are. Well, like I said, I think God knows best. It's almost like God debriefs us on His plans, and then we turn to Him and say... "Hmm, I'm not so sure I can deal with that... why don't you find someone else??" What if Moses had said that?? What if David had said that?? What if Paul, once a man murdering Christians for their beliefs, knowing that he would be a martyr, said, "No thanks." The Bible would be a lot less exciting, that's for sure.

God is not a God of practicality. If you feel a tug at your heart, don't be afraid. Many things in this world seem impossible, especially when it comes to following God. But that is the beauty of it. That's what makes Him so beyond us. We are vessels, and God instilled in us a capacity to do His good work. That capacity was, is, and always will be under His jurisdiction. When you sense impossibility, then God wants you to rely on Him. It's that easy.

Practicality is merely an excuse for the coward. Stretch out your hand, take that first step, open the door... however God is calling you, answer Him. God is full of mystery, but there is no mystery in His love for us. It's true, and it's full. Strive for the impossible, and you just might feel the presence of God. He will never let you go it alone.

Lean on Him.

Love,
k10

hard words

Hard. We use that word so freely, yet it's so relative. My test was hard, but so was opening that jar of strawberry jam. Diamonds are hard, but so are peppermints. So what is the level of difficulty?? Who knows??

Sometimes it feels like my life is hard. But what is hard?? Many times anything out of the ordinary ends up being hard. Something changes and I calculate an increase in difficulty. Change is not always bad though. So in a sense, hard can be good. Hard candy... good thing. Hard cement... good thing. Hard liquor... ok, just kidding. The reason hard is good in those examples is because of its relation to the following word. Hard life. Good or bad. Depends on its relation to the following word. Basically, you can look at change, challenges, and whatever else may come as a springboard or as a brick wall.

When did a brick wall ever help you get anywhere?? I want to continue sulking and saying my life is hard. In my opinion, my life is definitely harder than yours... but what is the point?? What am I trying to prove by giving a measure to an immeasurable word?? It's subjective. My hard is mine and your hard is yours. I just find it interesting that we let definitions and words run our lives. Words shape our decisions and shape the way we perceive things and act towards people. Words can build-up and tear-down. Words can love and hate. Words are good and bad. Hard is good and bad.

I realized that life is life. We add the adjectives. Hard, good, amazing, fun, crappy... life. Let's spend our time living life, than trying to define it.

My life is hard, but it is up to me to determine how hard. Thrive in difficulty. I always say the best lessons we learn are the HARDEST.

kristen <><       

4 AM

It must be the bitter cold or just having to wake up freakishly early that makes you appreciate your life and your wealth. This will be my second time waking up for Breakfast Brigade. Gainesville Catholic Worker House has been serving breakfast to the labor unions in this city for decades. I arrived at the house to prepare the meal at 4:15 am. In no time, I was kneading bread and boiling eggs. There are three stops that we serve, so there are three baskets of cinnamon bread, three baskets of boiled eggs, and three baskets of oranges. The idea is to show these people dignity, beyond what the world has shown them. There is always a tablecloth covering the table adorned with flowers and a candle, lit, to make sure that these men know we think they deserve the best. We were finished baking and boiling and ready to serve by 5:30 am. I actually was asked to drive to the first stop with three boys I had just met, and Kevin. Like I said, it was frigid outside. Something that looked close enough to snow was coating our vehicles. Everything inside me wanted to have stayed in my warm bed, when the alarm went off this morning at 3:30 am. But God had planned otherwise.

I had gone for the first time to Breakfast Brigade two weeks ago. I was chatting with a friend, Lawrence, at CRU, and he randomly asked me what I was doing at 4 am the next morning. My natural response was "sleeping;" what any other person in their right mind would be doing at 4 in the morning on a Friday. But I guess "right mindedness" is subjective. He invited me to come, and I oblidged, knowing I wouldn't get to bed until 2 am and later chaperone a lock-in at Family Church. My mind was somewhere else that morning. I prayed for God to give me opportunity, but what little opportunity I was given drowned in the incessant voice in my head reminding me of how tired I was, and how much stuff I had to do later that day. I was almost disappointed. There were so many people there to help serve, it was hard to find anything to do sometimes. All I had done was serve food. I didn't learn a name... I didn't make a difference. Of course, this is an unfair statement, but I will get to that later.

Today was different. I woke up knowing my mission, and not thinking about my day. I was living for the now. As we walked through the doorway at the Catholic Worker House to begin preparations, everyone rejoiced, and I realized, they were short-handed. Already, God was out to prove something to me. Like I said earlier, I was even able to drive to one of the locations!! Not only did I feel needed for once, but I met two guys at our labor pool, Jerell and Curtis. We talked about the weather, about their hometowns, about their grandchildren, about their lives... I had given the morning to God, and He had given me a bit-o-heaven. I hope that in ten minutes of conversation, they felt something special. Something better. Love, in its purest form, straight from the hand of God.

I've learned that you can't give God parameters. Expectations are only going to destroy your vision. Usually I go into service projects expecting to be disappointed and come out completely humbled. On my first venture to Breakfast Brigade, I left discouraged, but not because God did reveal Himself, but because I refused to let Him roam outside of my expectations. This time I released God from the box that I firmly placed Him in and allowed Him to fill my voids. Pray in earnest... don't waste God's time. "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." -Mark 11:24

Listen for that still small voice, behind all the clutter, behind all the agendas, and behind all of the life. It's trying to break through when you need it the most. Count on it to be there, and don't be surprised when you finally hear it... because it has always been there.

Become void of all expectations, and God will become boundless in you.

.kristen.

Life or something like it...

**This was actually something I wrote in October... It's so cool to see how much God can change my life in no time at all.**

October 2, 2008:

It's evaluation time once again. I feel that everyone gets to some point in their life where they can't help but look around and ask "how the heck did I get here?!" As a senior in college, this evaluation process is basically defining what very well could be the rest of my life. I have always been told that I have a lot of potential... that I could change things if I wanted to. This summer, in a very awkward conversation, someone basically told me I was going to change the world. "Some people are meant to live, and some people are meant to change the world... you are one of those people." What do you say to that, right? Well, I said thank you. It was all I could think of at the time, and followed my appreciation with a: "I wish I knew how I was going to do that." I was told that I would figure it out; yeah well, I haven't figured it out yet.

I was inspired recently by a song. As a musician it is very easy for me to just LISTEN to music, but not really listen. I listen for clever melodies and beautiful piano riffs, but sometimes the lyrics just fly by. Well, for some reason this day I tuned into the words... and it was as if that day, God was truly speaking to me:

"The earth was shaking in the dark.
All creation felt the Fathers Broken Heart.
Tears were filling Heaven's Eyes,
The day that True Love died, the day that True Love died.
When blood and water hit the ground,
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive,
The day that True Love died, The day that True Love died."

How I choose to change the world will be revealed when I realize I am not the one changing the world. I am a vessel. All things were, are and will be done through the power that lives inside me. Yes, He lives... that's a key concept that we as Christians miss and those are the moments that we get most discouraged, thinking that we cannot do the things that we were meant to do. Heck, if I know how my great story will play out, but my first step is just acceptance - God break my heart for what breaks yours. "For to be sure, he was crucified in weakness, yet he lives by God's power. Likewise, we are weak in him, yet by God's power we will live with him to serve you." - 2nd Corinthians 13:4

Allow God to be the author of your remarkable story.

With love. Kristen.

pain.

My legs hurt. Basically, tonight I got reamed in intramural soccer. Why would I spend an entire post telling you how sore I am...? Well, I'm getting there. In my pain, I was just thinking; I used to run cross country in high school, and when it got down to the bitter end, no energy left, I would picture Christ on the cross. I know it seems a little morbid, but honestly, have you ever thought about it. I know the "Passion of the Christ" was the closest thing we have to seeing Jesus truly suffering, but who even knows. When I watched that movie, I felt pain, so I can't even imagine the real deal.

I complain about the tiniest pains... Don't get me wrong though, I'm not telling you to never whine or whatever, that is your own prerogative. But seriously, our pain is nothing. Praise God that I have legs to hurt!! Praise God that I can feel those legs!! Americans turn everything around to reveal negativity. In fact, today my roommates were deciding who was going to drive on a game of "rock, paper, scissors." They claimed the winner had to drive. I thought this to be a strange concept. Usually, the loser has to drive. Hence, negative "loser" placement associates with negative "having to drive" outcome. This is to this as that is to that... our mind is drawn to the negativity automatically. It makes it very difficult to love God at times.

But back to this pain concept... He suffered. Beyond any suffering this world knows. He took on your suffering as well as His own, and then was flogged and nailed to a cross. I struggle with understanding love, but I surely understand this. I would love to say right now, "yeah, of course I will take on the burden of humanity and die for everyone." Heck, it's difficult for me to say that I would die for the people I love the most. Jesus died for those who may never know Him. He died for the worst and for the best. The man that I keep walking by and ignoring on University Ave. with the guitar, He died for him. Bill Gates... yeah, He died for him. Kristen Rupert... hard for me to believe, but yes, all the same.

Pain is good, or at least the way I see it.

First of all, it serves as a reminder. Hey, you're alive. Hey, Jesus endured one-hundred times this for you. And hey, right about now, you should start feeling good about your pain. Second of all, I would like to look at this in an exercise science light. When you work out, play a sport, run a marathon, depending on how hard you work, chances are your muscles will get sore. The pain in this sense is good though - the pain is usually caused by tiny abrasions in your muscles. When you work out and stretch and contract the muscles so much, they just kind of start to tear. As these tiny tears begin to heal, stronger tissue is produced. Good pain. Sometimes it hurts to grow, hurts to change, hurts to love. But the truth is... you are gaining strength, endurance, and what does that lead to?? Perseverance. And what does James tell us about that?? Mature faith.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
- James 1:2-4

All this to say, let the pain come. Take it. Grow in it. Remember Jesus.

Your gain, His pain.

.k10.

Lovely death

i just started this new fantastic thing... reading. i have wayyy too much time on my hands, so i decided to catch up on all the books that i told myself i would read by now. i read "the shack" a couple of weeks ago, and just finished "redeeming love" this weekend.

i love the idea of love. it's so simple, yet so hard for us to understand. especially, unconditional love... everything in life, we live with conditions. if it rains - i'm taking a nap. if she does this - then i'm doing that. if i can't find a job - i will go back to school. everything is a stipulation of something else. so yeah, it's difficult to just be like, "what? oh, ok, just love me for no reason other than to love me." as someone who has come from what i would call a "hard knock life," i know that it is even harder to understand love. when you never had a human model to go by, then it never really existed in your life. i struggle believing that people let alone God could love me. anyone that has been hurt countless times by life, only knows what it means to be hurt.

you cannot love or change people, but God can. everything good comes first from Him. apart from Him, we are nothing, but destined to mess up. MESSY. but like i always conclude - the messier you are, the better. God can't fix something that isn't broken, or clean what isn't dirty. let him work through your clutter. the more you bring to the table, the more people God can impact, through you.

i have struggled with ways to tell people about God's love. i am not much into initiative evangelism. i feel that God has called me to be relational, so when i am able to talk about God, the person knows and trusts me. people don't care to hear that you think some man died on a cross for them. unless they are a Christian they will snub it off, and ask if they should start believing in David Blane. i was playing "underground church" with a bunch of middle school youth at Family Church 2 weeks ago, and i was in charge of keeping the prisoners in the jail. the idea is, all of these kids are in a place where they are thrown in jail or killed for being a Christian and worshipping God. if they are thrown in jail, their only way out is to convert me. the kids continually told me about the all-powerful God and Jesus, who died on a cross, but i realized after a short time that when these kids actually do have to convert someone, those words may have no weight. your life is Jesus. so tell me about your life. i turned the questions back on them, and made them share what Jesus had done in their life, personally. some of the responses from these middle schoolers astounded me. one boy even delved in to his REAL personal life. i was impressed. impression... credibility... trust.

so i have realized that this post is a jumbled mix of thoughts running around in my head. it's all this reading stuff - blowin' my mind. nevertheless, i will leave you with this. "lovely, even in death." i'm actually quoting myself. it's a picture caption on one of my facebook pictures. the picture is a flower, clearly wilted and dead, but its colors still vibrant. the morning dew creates a shimmering pattern across the withered petals. with a beautiful death, the flower produces seeds... produces life. if only people could look at the world through God's eyes. He paints a new picture every morning and dots the sky at night. His heart breaks for hungry children and tears fall for the widow. in their hurt, He sees healing. in death, He sees life. what a wonderful world it would be... it could be.

let it be.

.kristen.