poem - 7/24/10

I found this today and it made me smile... written for me by a dear friend. You know who you are:

mountains green

trees so tall

colorful houses

children so small

dirty hands

smudged faces

bright sun

most beautiful places

nicaragua.

gbly,

today's the day!

As I gaze at the rising sun, I can feel impending doom... Well, impending life I guess, but if you add the fear, it just feels like a lot of doom. I know what I need to do, and it all seems so simple, yet so impossible.

I felt God urge me last night to wake up for the sunrise... I've seen many a sunrise, but I guess there was something special about this one, today, right now, that He wanted me to see. There is a cloud stretching across the sky, oddly illuminated unlike any other cloud. Brought to light only in this moment... for a short moment. It's majesty reflected from the sun. The cloud cannot bring glory to itself. It is merely a vessel, a mirror, a beacon to magnify a glory that already exists.

This is precisely who we are in Christ. Our inner glory is brought to sight only through the light of Him. More often than not, we are shown dull and lifeless, pressing on day to day in the normal drone and flow of the world. But there are times when we truly allow Christ to shine through us and illuminate life and peace and joy. It's as gorgeous and powerful as a sunrise. Yes, a sunrise by the sun itself is beautiful, but some of the best sunrises I've seen to date are the best, because of the surrounding clouds. Clouds brought to life and light. A generation brought to life and light.

God is about to move in me BIG time... my life is about to change; HECK, my life is about to begin. The first step out is always the hardest, and so many times we don't even get past the first step. I envy Peter and his faith enough to leap out of the boat and begin his walk on water to Jesus. What do you think was running through his head when he first looked out at the Lord and the crashing waves separating them?? Fear. Doubt. All was wiped away as he kept his eyes fixed on Jesus, and he swung his leg over the side of the boat. His first step. He only began to sink when he removed his eyes; when he lost sight; when he feared and doubted.

God, I pray that you illuminate my life -- allow me to bring and shine your glory and majesty! And more than anything, give me strength enough to take that first step out of the boat... the first step in this wild adventure... the first step into the unknown.

And as I said about a week ago -- this is ONLY the beginning...

4th work day.

So today was interesting. Frustrating. Exhausting. As we arrived into San José up in the mountains of Matagalpa, things were looking up. It was our last work day, so all the dental equipment would need to get on the bus in the afternoon. Everyday we had walked a little over a mile to get to the community... bags and all, depending on the day. But because God had help back the rain ALL week (during the "rainy" season) it was dry enough for the bus to make it all the way into town! Praise the Lord! It was also a big day for us with VBS. All week we had been warring with the Pastor in San José to let us use some sort of facilities for our little activity, and all week he had turned us down. Monday, they basically kicked us out of the church!

Well, today we arrive expecting to use the school for VBS, a dental hygiene presentation, and to serve the kids lunch. Come to find out, when we were said yes to the day before, they actually meant no. Frantically, Fide (the team house mom & wonderful help to us all week) tried to find out if we could use the church (which is NOT what I wanted to do, considering our luck on Monday). It was 9:15 am... we had the church until 10:15 am -- so began "speed VBS!" Grateful for the opportunity to have any building, we sped through and in an hour finished the craft, dental presentation, and fed the kids! I was also reminded of the story of the "loaves and fishes" from the new testament. With OVER a hundred kids, and not enough food it seemed as though the food just kept appearing. Every child got something, even if it was just half a sandwich, including children that had just jumped in line from school letting out!

With spirit's high and a ghetto duct tape bandage for the blister on my hand, the rest of the VBS crew and I journeyed up the hill to construction. We were tired. HANDS DOWN, dog-tired. This would be our fourth day shoveling cement. Muscles ached, blisters stung, and booted feet throbbed. But there's no rest for the weary! As soon as we arrived it was time to make more concrete and more concrete... and more concrete. Just as it seemed and felt as though we might die, the sun hid behind the clouds... a cool breeze began to blow and four other people showed up to switch off shoveling and give us a break! The body of Christ at work and in perfect harmony. Lightening each others loads and bearing each others burdens. Literally. Even stubborn ol' me put down the shovel for a minute.

It was about time to let people love and help me. A special lesson God has been trying to teach me my whole life. My thorn... the bane of my existence. It was a beautiful freedom to let go of that shovel, because I did more than rest my weary body; I finally rested my weary soul. God has a funny way of prepping us for what's to come. A couple weeks ago I wrote a song called "Find Rest." In a special way, I found rest in Nicaragua... with the release of a shovel. With the acceptance of a helping hand. With the cool breeze on my face.

Find Rest:

Rest my soul, I'm weary Lord

Burdened by the weight of the world, the weight of my life

Rest my heart, I'm heavy Lord

Weighed down by all of my sin, all of my shame

And I will wait when the wind blows

And I will wait through the fire

And I will wait when the earth is shaking

I'll hear You whisper... You'll say:

'Find rest my child.

Find rest my own.

Find rest my love.

Find rest in me here... find rest.'

You have calmed the storms in my life

You have called me home into Your arms

And I am found in You and in Your grace

And I'll find rest... again.

**Let this be my prayer**

the third day.

Verses to think about: Hebrews 13:2 & Matthew 25:34-45

So I was able to share my heart with the team this morning and give the devotion. Before I gave the devo, I played the song "All Who Are Thirsty," which I truly believe is my life song right now. Let God refresh you - whoever you are! Let the pain and the sorrow be washed away in the waves of His mercy! Wow. Story of my life. We are all God's children, and we are all presented with life and refuge in Him. No matter where we are, who we are, and when we are.

I love the idea of a clay pot, a clay figure - in view of God's will for us. First, think back to second grade when you made that oh so unattractive bowl for mom. What did she do with it? Regardless of it's aesthetic value, it was a prize. It was loved, cherished, and immediately appreciated. And when it fell or broke, she pieced it back together, perfect in its own brokenness and scars. She loved this bit of your creation, because she LOVED the creator (you).

It's just like our lives in Christ. Each one of us is a glimpse at our beautiful Creator. Each human is their own dumpy, struggling clay pot. Each human deserves that dignity and love. Yes, deserves. It's not earned by wealth or reputation - It's gifted by sacrifice. In no way can we decide how much love someone receives. Besides, we shouldn't worry and ask "how much," we should just implore God for opportunities to love more!

I also love the concept of clay in thinking about God's work in us... ever forming and reforming... firing and refiring... painting and repainting... breaking and rebreaking... gluing and regluing... We are in a constant state of change or growth. Never finished. Just as Jesus' ministry was never and will never be truly finished... that ministry and message lives on in us. We never truly "finish" impacting people. It's all God in the end! We should try to look more and more to the body of Christ and how we work together with Jesus to build a ministry. Not how we can finish it!

The beauty of Christianity is that it's organic, alive, ever-moving, always changing, and never EVER finished. God called us to be world changers... not the Omega. That's His job.

Second work day.

Perspective. Change of perspective.

When we begin to see through God's eyes, we actually can see. See for the first time. See people for who they are not what they are. Today was one of those days -- a day to see beyond ourselves. When you have shoveled so much cement and emptied your boots of sweat twice, you begin to see a new world, new attitude, new hope. It's not about the things you can find to complain about (like the blister on your hand or your sore feet), because there will always be something. But it's the reason you've received your wounds.

I once knew a man who was wounded for people He loved... without condition He loved them all. And He has the scars to prove that love. I will wear boldly my aches and scars in honor of love and sacrifice! Just as my Savior once did for me. It's all worth it to see a smiling face... beaming with true happiness. A happiness free of the corruption of wealth and prosperity. A pure innocent happiness that inspires change. Jesus shines through in the face of those that need... "For whatever you do for the least of these, you have done for me..."

We are the only ones that can do what God has called us to do. Why wait and hope that someone else will take care of it?

Do now, think later...

First work day.

It's nothing like mixing cement that reminds you of your blessings. We are laying the foundation to someone's house in San Hosé (an impoverished community in Matagalpa). A house that might be the size of a kitchen in an American home. But regardless of the size or quality, it will be a shelter, a haven, a home. I can't help but think about the verse in Matthew about the "city on a hill":

"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden... In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."

This house can shine as a beacon of God's love. Hope for a new day... new life. It is inspiring to work along side a while community to build not only foundations, but to build unity and strength. Seeing a 10 year old carry a bag of dirt that's bigger than them is inspiration enough.

Today we also did a craft with the kids in VBS that had to do with God's ability to protect and heal us. It is always something I can be reminded of, especially after Nancy's death. It would be easy to look at things and say God can't heal, and He can't handle my issues or pains or hurts. But the fact is, He can and does! He heals and guides beyond our primitive, provincial knowledge. He's always working on the heart and soul. The deepest places in us.

I thank God for humbling moments like today, where I remember my need and humanness. It wouldn't be a mission trip without a little dose of humility! "In humility, I can see. What You want me to be. All of You is all of me."

grace like rain:

Took on new meaning as we listened to the actual rain drop on the mountainside... the fresh smell, the cool breeze, the soothing rhythm, the natural cleansing; refreshing the land.

Now on to the idea of grace: as it pours it restores, cleanses, refreshes... changes the recipient in inside and out. Allows for new growth. Allows for a FRESH start... a new soul.

I've never actually compared grace and rain until the pitter patter began this afternoon. It's such a beautiful idea: not just coined by Todd Agnew. I believe we were meant to understand grace this way. God places concepts of His love and grace that we are meant to understand only in view of creation. We as created learn from creation. You catch a glimpse of yourself and the Creator in the beautiful things around you...

grace... rain... spiritual... physical... it's all God.

El Domingo

We're here in Matagalpa. In worship with the people of this city. I can't help but think of the way church should be, the way God's love really works. Living in unity with Christians hundreds of miles away.

Very few of us on the team actually speak Spanish, but love knows no bounds. It speaks beyond language barriers. It speaks directly to the heart and looks past the colors, the accents, the flaws, the differences. It is not "our team" and "them" -- it's us. Rob Bell says in his book "Sex God," that until we start appreciating and honoring creation, we will never be able to appreciate and honor the Creator. Creation directly reflects the Creator!!

We are all children, all human, all deserving or undeserving equally. Same mission, same love, same grace. I pray that God gives me more of His sight; His eyes to see brokenness; to see the hell and darkness around the world. I long to bring heaven and light... in God's name.

Hebrews 10:23-25 - We are called to each other. We are called to lift and edify. Ww are called to live by Truth and preach that, even when it might not be the comfortable or easy thing to do. WE have a God of impossible not practical. Start believing that...

Happy Sunday!

sunset from a plane:

It's like being on top of the world and experiencing God's splendor in its fullness. Well, we can never truly experience God's fullness, but sometimes you get that tiny glimpse of heaven through a plane window or an orphan's smile. God is constantly reminding us of what we have to look forward to and what we can bring to earth.

"His kingdom come on earth, as it is in heaven."

We can become heaven... We are messengers. The redeemed. We pick up our crosses to join the trek to Calvary. It's not an easy burden to bear. The road will be littered with blood, sweat, tears, and persecution, but we know the ultimate joy and relationship that comes with following Him. And it's soooo worth it. There's absolutely nothing else so worthy. So beautiful.

The oranges, reads, golds, blues of a sunset remind me that I'm not alone, I'm not my own, and I'm already home... at least in my heart.

...and I'll rest assured in my Savior's embrace!!

Nicaragua.

Things have been a little crazy to say the least. It's times like these, I forget to remember myself. Not in a selfish way, but in a normal healthy one. A way that allows for growth and stability. All I have right now is digression and chaos. Sometimes I try to think how to fix it, but I quickly realize that it's no simple fix.

I NEED to be in Africa. My heart is already there... I find myself getting lost in my thoughts and memories of South Africa. I have to remind myself that it's "not yet!" Live for today, for the now. Don't think about tomorrow, because tomorrow will become yesterday, and yesterday is too late!

As I prepare my mind for the week ahead, I can't help but think about how unprepared I am, but that's how it should be. No time to think about or conjure up expectations. No time to anticipate... that's all I do is think, dwell, ponder... There's a saying, "The farthest distance between you and God is 18 inches: the distance between your heart and your head." So "thinking" is a dangerous thing for me, especially right this moment! A dangerous thing that I do too much. I'm excited to see what God is going to do in the next week, and I'm not going to try and define it or limit God. He doesn't belong in the box that I shut Him in...

It's time to break free and let go. I feel there will be a lot more to this process in the weeks to come.

This is just the beginning...