humbled places.

So I have come to a realization of sorts this weekend. I'm selfish. I know what you're thinking: "Oh, wow, you just realized that?!" But the fact is, we should daily become aware of our humanness. Awareness brings about brokenness which allows true change. I am human, and I have failed yet again. I don't say that in a negative light. I say it in all confidence that in my weakness and depravity God is made known and made great.

I have been pouting for about a month now about the restlessness in my spirit. POUTING. Most God-fearing people beg to be restless! They beg for a dissatisfied soul, so they will adamantly pursue Christ in every moment. In "seeking" Christ and attempting to find my "right" path, I completely obliterate my faith and trust. It's not about forcing a vision and immediately blazing a trail; it's about listening and shifting perspective and patience.

I even push the Christians around me to preach a dangerous Gospel and live life without PRACTICAL inhibitions. And now here I am eating my words. I really must start paying attention to the words God sends out of my mouth. I clearly have that typical Christian listening problem. Nothing is simple, nothing is easy, nothing is practical. But regardless of the trials, the pain, the impossible, we have a God and a grace that abounds and surrounds. Life hurts, but God heals. Christians think when you give your life over to Christ that things dramatically shift towards perfection. This is not the case... In fact, our lives remain awfully imperfect, but there is Hope. The bad days come, all the same, but purpose protects and restores our heart.

I have decided to be the best disciple, the best youth director, the best daughter/sister, the best friend, the best mentor, the best counselor, the best coworker, the best lover, according to God's call and trajectory. Wherever I am, I am His. He says when, where and how... and I just make the BEST of it.

The pity party has officially ended.

-k10