Judgment

As a Christian, I am listed on the top most judgmental people, regardless of how truly judgmental I am. It's not a proper account of activity, but simply the association. We give ourselves a bad reputation - let's be real. You may not judge more than the next person, but the fact is, we hold ourselves to a higher standard that we openly preach to the world. Falter from that standard, and persecuting eyes will take note. Although, there are the token many that blatantly judge and criticize in an attempt to "love" on the heathens. Mother Teresa once said, "If you judge people, you have no time to love them." This quote absolutely sums up my thoughts the past few days...

Monday, I was leaving for lunch. I had planned to leave and be at lunch on time for once, so I was walking out to my car. I climbed in and quickly began to start and reverse, when a woman scuffles up to my window. I didn't put any descriptive words in front of woman, because honestly, I'm ashamed of the words I did think. I mean, you can only imagine... I judged her. My mind was so set on myself and my need to get to lunch that I didn't even listen to a word she said the first time she spoke to me. But all of the sudden, God broke my heart. He gently whispered, "Kristen, what are you doing? Isn't it the sick that need a doctor? The hungry that need food? This daughter of Mine that needs a ride? Who do you think you are?? You are my daughter just the same, and you would EXPECT someone to save you... Right?" My heart ached as I realized my own poverty... Poverty in Spirit and in Love.

I immediately opened my calloused heart and ears. Fifteen minutes later, I had dropped off my new friend Tina, and made it to lunch 7 minutes late. 7 minutes. That's how much time it takes for me to forget my Call, my Gift, my God. As I listened to her life in the short car ride there, I couldn't help but hurt for her. Life isn't fair, but Tina said it so perfectly: "you gotta work with the cards that you were dealt." When she climbed out of the car and thanked me, I responded, "It was nice to meet you Tina, and good luck with everything." She hesitated, and for a moment I saw light in a place of darkness. No one had ever remembered or cared to ask her name... She felt like a person for a second, not a beggar or a national parasite (as many ultra-conservative Americans might label). She was Tina, the beautiful creation of God, and I wanted her to feel that.

I may never see Tina again... Or maybe I will. Maybe on another hot day in July, I will have the privilege of hanging out with Tina again. I will ask about her life, and if things are better. I will rebuke all judgement. I will love her as Jesus did.

Mother Teresa chose to mingle with the destitute, depraved and diseased. To her, those words were selfish labels. She was in the presence of royalty: children of a righteous King, a gracious Ruler, and a holy Prince. "If you judge people, you have no time to love them." Let's call it the 7 minute challenge - How much time are you willing to give up in order to love people?? Answer: my life. Wholly. Completely. Surrendered.

It's called sacrifice... I once knew a guy who did the same thing for me. He lived a life in all knowledge that every day could be His last. He loved beyond time, and left the judging up to His Father.

.kristen.

humbled places.

So I have come to a realization of sorts this weekend. I'm selfish. I know what you're thinking: "Oh, wow, you just realized that?!" But the fact is, we should daily become aware of our humanness. Awareness brings about brokenness which allows true change. I am human, and I have failed yet again. I don't say that in a negative light. I say it in all confidence that in my weakness and depravity God is made known and made great.

I have been pouting for about a month now about the restlessness in my spirit. POUTING. Most God-fearing people beg to be restless! They beg for a dissatisfied soul, so they will adamantly pursue Christ in every moment. In "seeking" Christ and attempting to find my "right" path, I completely obliterate my faith and trust. It's not about forcing a vision and immediately blazing a trail; it's about listening and shifting perspective and patience.

I even push the Christians around me to preach a dangerous Gospel and live life without PRACTICAL inhibitions. And now here I am eating my words. I really must start paying attention to the words God sends out of my mouth. I clearly have that typical Christian listening problem. Nothing is simple, nothing is easy, nothing is practical. But regardless of the trials, the pain, the impossible, we have a God and a grace that abounds and surrounds. Life hurts, but God heals. Christians think when you give your life over to Christ that things dramatically shift towards perfection. This is not the case... In fact, our lives remain awfully imperfect, but there is Hope. The bad days come, all the same, but purpose protects and restores our heart.

I have decided to be the best disciple, the best youth director, the best daughter/sister, the best friend, the best mentor, the best counselor, the best coworker, the best lover, according to God's call and trajectory. Wherever I am, I am His. He says when, where and how... and I just make the BEST of it.

The pity party has officially ended.

-k10