Pain is a humbling experience. As my back screams of accidents days ago, I can do nothing but whimper. So helpless to hurt's mighty reign: I pretend that everything is ok. Is this the state God wanted to send me to South Africa? Or have I given in to selfish desires & doomed myself? Africa needed all of me, & now I can only give a smaller portion that's not writhing in pain or blinded by it. My pain has become my distraction.
Maybe I needed a reminder of how human I am - spiritually & physically. Our bodies are weaker than our spirits, & I'm surely feeling that. So positive spin: in my weakness, He is made strong. So theoretically He could completely control my every move, thought, deed... that's if I give Him control. I envision myself fighting with God like a passenger might fight with a pilot to fly a plane. I have no idea how to fly, but I want to man the controls.
Wow, I am on my way to South Africa... A distant thought in my head years ago has finally become a remarkable reality. And what a blessing it is to be surrounded by my best friends all the while. My Revive family. Who ever really gets to do that?! The hum of the engines keeps me from believing that this is all a dream. 37,000 feet in the air, you can do nothing but reflect on how life has led you down this path. Well, how God has led me down this path. I think the sum of my feelings is a little bit of fear, a little bit of excitement & a lot of disbelief. You almost have to convince yourself that this is happening. God is a brilliant story-teller. Thank God, His steady hand has a firm grip on what is to come next.
Give me grace, give me hope, give me love. I am insufficient, but God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called. Just yesterday I saw God's mighty face etched into the side of a snowy mountain. A beautiful & marvelous sight to be seen. Now as I glance out of this plane window, I see His mastery displayed in an ambient solemn layer of clouds. Peace is the only word that come to mind.
Pain is but a fleeting moment within an eternity of love & peace. Humility is a key to opening the door. He stands & knocks. Will I answer? Can I answer? Well, I don't think any of us ever "could." We aren't capable, but Christ is. So, can I? Yes, given that Christ overcomes me; lives through me; lives in me. We are but clay in the Potter's hands. Original masterpieces, fired to strengthen & purify.
God give me strength to endure & a heart to serve: in a world that needs a Savior.
Psalm 46:10
-Kristen
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