Youth Hostel Missions: Connecting & Reconnecting

Jumping into a glacier lake in Interlaken, Switzerland.

I never could have imagined the true reality of this trip. I never could have predicted all the amazing people we would meet. I already have such an amazing team and I was satisfied just getting to know them.

Grindelwald, Swizterland was beyond words AMAZING. I’ve literally never seen anything that beautiful in my life. And I want to say I won’t see anything more beautiful again, but there’s still a lot left to see in the world (and I’m definitely not done exploring). We felt refreshed as soon as we arrived. There’s just something about those mountains that calms you. But to truly explain Grindelwald, I have to tell the whole story. As most of you know, I can’t short a story, so bear with me, this is a good one!

Grindelwald was the world of misconnections and reconnections. When we arrived we had one roommate from South Korea named Ahn. We decided to adopt him into our little nomadic family and began dragging him along on our adventures exploring and taking selfies (if you didn’t already know this, Koreans and other Asian cultures have perfected the art of selfies; Ahn had his own tripod which could be doubled for use as an extension for a selfie). He was a hilarious guy, always laughing and saying: “Really?! Ahhhh.” We worked through the language barrier and quickly became great friends. His plan the next day was to go up to the Jungfrau, so we agreed to meet him at the train station at 3 pm to hang out.

Our first full day, we decided to hike up towards First in the Swiss Alps, to a place called Bort. It was very near to our hostel and seemed like the easiest option. The hike definitely wasn’t EASY by any stretch of the imagination, but the views made it all worthwhile. On the way up the road to the hiking trail we passed a guy and politely said hey. He responded in an American accent and we quickly asked where he was from. There we met Adam from Chicago. Ends up he had been traveling alone and was just spending a full day in Switzerland. We chatted for a minute and decided maybe we would try to connect later in Interlaken (a city only a 30 minute train ride from Grindelwald). We got his Facebook info and went our separate ways fully expecting never to see him again.

Later on our way to Bort, Adam’s trail actually connected to ours and we found ourselves literally going in the same direction at the same crossroad. It was great to see him again! So we climbed together to Bort enjoying the views and sharing stories and snacks. Once to Bort we said our goodbyes again. He was going to continue heading up the mountain to First and we were going to head back down to meet up with Ahn. We hugged goodbye as though he was already a close friend, since it didn’t take long for him to mesh with our group. Again we spoke of meeting up later, but we didn’t have high expectations for it. We told him about a restaurant in Grindelwald called Memory where he could catch some free wifi and try to get in touch with us if he stayed in town. But the goodbye still felt like a real one.

We then began to hike down to Grindelwald to meet up with Ahn. It wasn’t as quick of a hike down as we expected. We still had an hour to hike, but it was 30 minutes until our 3 pm meeting time. We were worried with Ahn’s promptness, we might miss him. Billy and I began to jog ahead of the team. Once we made it down to the road and realized we were not going to make it anywhere near to on time, we stuck out our thumbs. Yes, we attempted to hitchhike. We wholeheartedly believed no one was going to stop, but it was worth a shot. Immediately a sweet old coupled pulled off and asked where we needed to go. We explained the situation about meeting at the train station and that we didn’t have much time. The husband even cleaned the back seat out for us to sit (keep in mind we were sweaty AND smelly at this point). The couple was from the capital of Switzerland and they were making a day trip to Grindelwald for the wife’s birthday – so they picked up a couple of hitch hikers on her birthday. Amazing people, truly. The husband was actually an aerospace engineer who had lived in Huntsville for a while working for NASA, so he even knew where Mobile was! Yes, I met a rocket scientist while hitchhiking in Switzerland… When we told him we only had 8 minutes to get to the train station, he proceeded to drive like a nascar driver through the tiny mountain streets. I’m not gonna lie, there were a few moments of terror on that short journey.

On our drive, we actually passed by Aubrie, Courtney and Alex. We told him those were our friends and he reversed so we could tell them what was going on (and why we were in some stranger’s vehicle). We told them we would meet them at the cafe we had planned on going with Ahn and sped off to the train station. We got there 10 minutes late and at exactly the same time Ahn ran up apologizing for being 10 minutes late. Perfect timing I would say. We tried to pay the old couple for their trouble, but they seemed more entertained and thankful for getting to drive us. I want to be like that someday.

Ahn, Billy and I began walking to the cafe, and lo and behold right as we walked up to it, there were Courtney, Aubrie and Alex walking up at the same time. At this point these connections were beginning to get eerie. After eating some amazing, fresh Swiss food, we headed to the hostel to see if we could get a hold of Adam and maybe visit Interlaken. As we were walking down the road and passing Memory, the restaurant with wifi we told Adam about, Adam was right in front of us exclaiming, “Boy am I glad to see you guys!” He was trying to find the restaurant to get in touch with us, and right before he even got there we appeared. Seriously, eerie. We bought groceries, took a rest at the hostel and then altogether, Ahn, Adam, and team: we headed to Interlaken. We jumped in a glacier lake, picnicked with a beautiful view at the paragliding landing park and took some outrageous selfies at the train station. All in all, had a blast.

We said our goodbyes to Adam, knowing that this would be the last time to see him on this side of the world, but we’re hopeful for the potential to reconnect with him in the states. And obviously we have some kind of luck on our side (but you know that’s God). Eerie as it may have seemed, God was doing a mighty work to get us where we needed to go and get us to the people we needed to see. In the morning, we said an early goodbye to Ahn, but we realized we would get to see him in Paris again and already made plans.

To add to the restful feelings in Switzerland, we had the surprise of Zach’s team showing up at the hostel in the afternoon. We had no idea our itineraries would cross, so it was a legitimately nice surprise. It was great to catch up, hug and hear about their adventures and connections. We shopped around, played fishbowl and surprised Ben for his birthday.

I couldn’t have planned a better time in Switzerland, and most of it was unplanned (such a beautiful mysterious thing). Even on our train to Frankfurt, we got redirected to Basel, which was not on our itinerary. When we got off the train to get on another, Ahn came running past us on his way to catch a train to Paris! WHAT?! Another random God moment, where a very big world became very small. We snapped a quick selfie (of course), and then went our separate ways to see him again in Paris. On the train to Amsterdam, I thought of the things that had already happened, and really couldn’t fathom it getting better. Would that even be possible? But every city and challenge and adventure brings it’s own uniqueness, character and wonderful people.

Since God is in control, I know there’s more to come. Sorry this is so very long, but I felt as though you had to experience the little bit of crazy to understand the massive shocking whole. Shock and awe is all I can say about this trip so far. The more I experience, the more I am impressed by God’s wonder. Now on to the next. We are verging on the halfway point and while that makes me sad, I know we were made to move forward. I pray that God will continue to surprise us and draw us near to His mighty will and plan throughout our days.

Blessings from this side,
Kristen

Youth Hostel Missions: Dreaming of Italy

Life is an adventure. Well, it’s an adventure if you make it one. We’ve learned that the hard way at some points. From being stuck in Atlanta to getting lost in Rome, there’s always a challenging situation waiting to be turned into an adventure. It’s all about attitude. If you get it in your head that nothing can truly stop you, then that will be the case. The moment you doubt is the moment you let life win.

God is always in control DESPITE us. It never ceases to amaze me, when I see Him working and moving and orchestrating. The people we meet, the places we go, all of it. All heading in some direction… The same direction. Paths may cross and people may end up landing on random islands in the middle of the Atlantic to become friends: maybe for the sole purpose of encouraging one another, but God is good like that. God loves us SO much that He would put random people in our way just to encourage. I guess, not so random after all.

Visiting the Vatican with our new Canadian friend Jeremie.

We miss Jeremie. Seriously, if this whole trip had been to meet and encourage him, God knows it would have been worth it. Jeremie was our first friend on this trip. He was in our hostel room in Rome traveling alone, because his girlfriend didn’t have the money to make the trip at the last minute. The plan was never to travel alone for him, so he was obliged when we dragged him along in our time in Rome. He was the 6th man we never had. We welcomed him into our family and he reciprocated with stories and jokes and serious moments. His last words to us were, “Thank you.” He thanked us for making his trip and Rome so enjoyable. We parted ways only wishing he could go with us. And we still miss him. We laughed, we got lost, we found our way together, we were in awe at the Sistine Chapel, we lived life: together. The day and a half we had with Jeremie felt like a lifetime (in a good way). Leaving on this trip, I imagined I would meet people, but I never thought I would make such dear friends. Our time with Jeremie isn’t over, it’s only just begun. I pray that God would continue to build that relationship even from a distance.

Rome was a beautiful, but busy place. So many people living and visiting, but SO much history. It was overwhelming. To come from a country only a couple hundred years old, and then to see things THOUSANDS of years old is quite the shocker. Rome will also make you realize the power God has in each of us. Michelangelo accounted nothing to himself in his work; he gave all glory to God. If you’ve ever seen the Sistine Chapel in person, you know exactly what he’s saying. It is impossible. Impossible in the way of man, but not when his hand is directed by God. If we could all be like Michelangelo… Take our greatest work and attribute it to the power of God. Remove the pride, remove yourself and all that will be left is God.

Florence was very “relaxed” compared to Rome. Some of the same beautiful history, but less hustle and bustle. This city taught me a little more about intentionality. We had very little time with our roommates or the people we met. We only had a day in Florence, but that doesn’t mean that god can’t accomplish the same things in a shorter amount of time. It just means that everything you do shouldn’t be an afterthought, it should be a forethought. It’s the thing where you remove your pride and your self and live in the moment. It’s not your time, it’s God’s time. The little conversations I had with our roommates turned into deep conversations about heartbreak and adoption with a few simple questions. You never know what people are going through until you ask, and you would be shocked at how many people just want someone to talk to.

If we only had 30 seconds with a person what are we gonna do? There’s always a choice to make: choose yourself or choose the other. Love God, love people. That’s what life is truly all about. Be intentional in everything. Now we are on our way to Switzerland… The view is breathtaking and my team is awesome. We are ready for whatever life may bring. We’re sure of adventures to come and challenges turned adventures to come. I pray that God will put people in our path and give us safe travels and energy for the days to come.

Until next time,
Kristen

Youth Hostel Missions: Team from day one

This photo marks our first day as a team. Yes, you might recommend me sleep or pack at this point, seeing as I am 15 or so hours from departure to Europe. But oftentimes our best thoughts dawn on us in these wee hours of the morning.

Youth Hostel Missions team announcement day in Nov.

My team is the best. Obviously I’m biased, but for good reason! These beautiful people became a family from the get go. From this moment in this conference room, they began their journey. And somehow with the many personalities and differences, they have loved. They have already sacrificed for one another and we haven’t even left the country. I never imagined having such a wonderful group of students to travel Europe with and I couldn’t be more proud and excited.

There is a lot of work still to be done. Sure: packing, flying, train going, and walking all included. But the kind of work I’m talking about is the kind that happens internally. Learning, experiencing, growing, and listening. There is all that to do. Let’s be real though, that isn’t truly “work,” that is ADVENTURE. I can even say I’m excited for the difficult times, because even those times will bring wisdom and insight to another future moment.

God is good. Can I get an AMEN?! Pause for response… But really, He is, and it’s a glorious privilege to serve Him. Our time in Europe is not to pack God in a bag and bring Him with us, it’s to shine a light on an already existing beautiful God. It’s to reveal hope to the searching heart. Now pardon me for a moment while I quote a song I wrote (no judgment please):

“We are trying to find our place, like a grain of sand, as it falls through the hourglass. Searching hearts will follow anything, if we promise truth, if we promise grace.”

This lyric was absolutely God-breathed. And it is the human heart. We have all been searching, sometimes still searching even when we’ve been offered the living water. We just want a place, love, and a little grace sprinkled on top. I hope my team embodies that “sprinkle of grace.” An ear to hear, a hand to help, a love to heal.

It’s time to go… Ok not literally, but at this point, there’s no turning back. Please pray for safe and smooth travels for our teams as they depart and continue to pray for the opportunities we will have in Europe to meet people and build relationships. This is the trip of a lifetime with the greatest team of my lifetime (no offense to all you other teams out there), and few words can really express my joy other than: I AM PUMPED. Thanks for reading and praying and being a part of our team stateside.

Much love,

Kristen

Back at it.

Sometimes I go through long periods of no writing. Call it a drought, call it the wilderness, call it whatever, it's always a challenging time. Usually these times coincide with a particular struggle or growing pain. You would think the hardest of times would bring the most journal & lyrical inspiration, but my reaction to difficulties tends to be avoidance. I avoid God. I avoid writing. I avoid people that will tell me what I need to hear. I avoid all good things. It's not fair to anyone, myself included, but it's especially not fair to God.

Avoidance has been a comfortable coping mechanism of mine since I can remember, but lo: I'm turning over a new leaf! My attempt in the next few weeks leading up to Europe will be to write. To read. To reflect. I can't expect to continue growing or for things to begin to change unless I do something. For me that may mean more writing, more singing, more reading, more time to just process & breathe. Oh, so much more time to breathe. A lot of my life is just spent surviving & it should be spent living to the fullest! This confusion is caused by living out of my own well, & not living out of the abundant well that Christ offers us.

I prayed for more faith opportunities in January & as they came, I felt as though I started out strong, but here I am now, a little lost & a little wounded. Part of this wound lies in the deep isolation I burdened myself with last year. We blame everyone else for feelings of isolation, when the true cause is believing lies. Sure, people will leave, things will change, but you always have a choice of what you do & how you feel after the fact. Pick yourself up or put yourself right back down into the Pit. Your choice.

God surely woke me up to my own self-induced isolation a couple months ago. He begged the question in an intense prayer time, "Who knows you here (meaning Mobile)? Kristen, you believe in community & vulnerability, then who have you been truly vulnerable with?" Good question God... Truthfully? No one. That's a sad little bit of information. Fear of depth of relationship has left me from sharing too much & in turn left me from actually sharing life with anyone.

It's harder to say goodbye & leave after two years, than after just one. Yeah, well, it's always gonna be hard to say goodbye, no matter when or where. Grieving has to & will happen, which I hate. But that's a selfish mindset. Who cares if I hate goodbyes: I love God & I love people more.

This is my declaration & time to turn over this new leaf, to start afresh. It all begins right now, in this moment, in these words. The initiative is taken & the time is now. God have your way. Live, change, move & make...

I am ready.
I am here.
You know me best.

-Kristen

goodbyes.

I wonder who said the first goodbye?

It must have been a sad realization & process trying to figure out what to call it. Furthermore, adding that "good" to the front end of bye doesn't really make it good. Just sayin...

I truly hate goodbyes. I don't think anyone really likes them, but if I could skip ahead & miss goodbyes completely that would be great.

I wonder what it felt like for Christ? I mean, we know our lives are temporary & eventually this will end: we all have a life expectancy. BUT He came to earth knowing His purpose. Did he know when? His life must have felt like one big goodbye from the start. I WOULD BE MISERABLE. Only He could have bore that burden. But we're ever so thankful that He did.

Death is another, more tragic version of a goodbye. We already hate goodbyes & then you have to add that they will no longer be on earth. Rough news.

We were made as one body in Him. As all parts of the body work to function as a whole, we all work & function together in this life. Community. True community is never really having to say goodbye. It's meeting again in eternity on day. Not that our purpose in Heaven will be to reminisce & catch-up, but we all know it's never over & it's never really goodbye.

It's amazing that people can mean so much in such a short period of time. It's only been a year for me here at UM... & it feels like forever (in a good way)! Some of the people I've met in the past year feel more like old friends. It's amazing how God can put you in a place where He knew that would happen. Now do I know how long I will be here at this point? That might be a question for another day, or at least for February 1st (the annual signing day). For now I won't worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will have worry for itself.

-Kristen

a lot to catch-up on

Well, life happens, & 8 months later we are here. Many changes have occurred & people have come & gone (including youth pastors). All the while, I'm primarily trying to learn how to say the word "NO." I have transitioned out & back in at youth (Spanish Fort UMC), I've taken a new position at the University of Mobile (Campus Life Coordinator), & I'm attempting to figure out where Africa fits into this whole picture. All I do is rest on the fact that He is ultimately in control. I have been wrestling with what that looks like in a practical sense...

Do we just sit & rest? Or is rest just a feeling, not a physical state? We must be moving & acting in order for things to change. I would prefer a sign in the sky, but somedays it's not that clear. God also realizes His limitations... OH WAIT HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY! He doesn't limit. If we are in line with His perfect will, anything is possible.

Now how far does that go in my situation? That remains to be seen... or not seen, because maybe God is trying to stretch me & grow my trust in Him. Not everything in life needs deciphering. Sometimes it's as easy as: trust in the Lord & carry on. Other times, the next step is as clear as mud. God moves & works in all ways; in muddy waters or in crystal clarity, He moves.

We try to squeeze God into our plans or work or life when in fact He is the foundation of it all. What is a house without a foundation? It is merely a crumbling pile of bricks, not a place to call home. I put my rest in Him alone. He is my peace, my foundation, my everything.

Lord give me diligence to be in Your word & faith to live it.

-Kristen

worse than death.

What's worse than death?

Watching the suffering it brings to those you love. Watching my mom suffer & struggle over the thought of her mother's passing.

To watch a heart break & be helpless to mend it is a terrible feeling. Although, I know it's a feeling that's all too familiar to God. That helpless feeling & then death. Jesus suffered & died to save us & to fulfill every covenant & prophecy, but what could God do in all of it? Simply release Him. Release Him to His purpose.

In a lot of ways I have to release my mom to her struggle & heartache. I sadly cannot take it from her, but I can be a shining light in the meantime. I can encourage & point her to Christ & true peace. Peace beyond understanding & beyond this world. We are never meant to forget people or forget pain, but we aren't meant to dwell in it. We can let those feelings of sadness & hurt propel us forward into the many things God has for us ahead. Using that energy to positively impact those that might be in the same situations & to inspire others with the sweet memories of that person's life, accomplishments & legacy of love.

I hate sitting around & just watching things happen. Just watching people feel the weight of their own burdens, but this is a lesson in patience for me. We are not able to fix the world or mend the broken hearts, only Christ can do that. I just point people in the right direction, & guide them to the light.

Sheesh, death is just a dumb thing isn't it?! God knew that, & He tried to save us from it originally. But now that it's a part of our lives, we should strive to impress the importance of eternity. The importance of loving here & now. The importance of lifting up the One who overcame it all.

-Kristen

Death & All His Friends

Death is an uncomfortable concept for all of us. Believers or nonbelievers. It was something that was never truly meant for us. God's original intent for our lives was for eternity. That's why we find death to be such a foreign concept, because it's something we'll never be used to understanding.

My grandmother was such a wonderful person, & as I thought about her life these past couple days since her death, I have been inspired & encouraged. To live a life as selflessly as she did is something any God-fearing person can only dream of. I know she wasn't one to attend church or to talk about God, but if your favorite songs are hymns, then I think that speaks a lot about the content & quality of your heart. She was always the first to support me financially in my missional endeavors, encourage me in words & bless me in letters. I never doubted her love for me or my family, but most of all, I never doubted her love for my mother. An incredible woman can only raise an incredible woman.

I love thinking of the ways I can represent my grandmother's life by the ways I choose to take care of my own family one day. I will choose to lead a life in legacy of those who have gone before me & inspired me. So many amazing women & people who have made me who I am today. God is just good like that you know. My music, my ministry, my life is a reflection of that. To know that my grandmother's last breaths were taken while listening to a song I was blessed to write for her just humbles me to my core. God works, moves, & empowers apart from our selfish human ways. And he uses our every heart song to change lives & grant perspective. I hope & pray that she will live on in my heart, my song, & my every deed.

Gran Gran, we celebrated your departure on the day of your arrival, & we will always miss you. But I know "it will only be a while." Fly with Christ.

-Kristen

as of late...

I feel like it would be quite cliche and awfully corny to say, "long time no write, blog people." But in this case, that is an awfully true statement. I know I did a little bit of writing while in South Africa, but overall, it's been a solid 2 years, since I've even begun to write a thoughtful blog. So considering the magnitude of information that I could disclose right now, I will just brief you on my heart and life these days... We can go from there.

I spend a lot of time working and planning to work. This is the first time in my life that I feel my work life has absolutely overtaken my personal life. I just recently told someone, "I was much more fun, before I had two jobs." Now don't get me wrong: I love both of my jobs. And I am so blessed to even have one job, let alone two. But it is easy to get tired, restless, overwhelmed, and utterly scheduled. I remember the days when I could live so free and spontaneously, but now many of my conversations claim, "I am not busy after 4:30 on Thursday and Friday, unless I am out of town." Which it's surprising how often I am out of town (sometimes voluntary, but oftentimes necessary).

So how do I deal?

Well, God of course. Duh. There I go being cliche again, but this is the most truth I've spoken to you yet. Keeping God's purpose alive and clear in my life is really the only thing that keeps me going. I am always striving for the Lord to guide my next step or always pushing and challenging myself to love harder and live fuller. Throwing myself a pity party is going to do no good for any of us. Although, flipping a table might relieve a little bit of stress (especially if it's a bunch o' tax collectors), but our goal is not to do anything for our own gain. Pity parties are selfish. It's like have an awesome birthday party, buying yourself a bunch of gifts, baking your own cake, but then inviting no one. Then you get mad at everyone for not coming. It just doesn't make sense.

Don't get caught up in what you think SHOULD be happening in your life, but instead look at what IS happening. There is a whole life going on around you. And it's passing you by if you are focusing on the things that are NOT happening to you. Mark Twain once said, “I've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.” We worry about things that are not meant to be. Things that may never happen. Things that maybe we hope would happen, but in God's GOOD will for our lives, those things aren't supposed to happen. He knows best. He is FOR us and not against us. He has your best intentions in mind, whether you want to believe that or not. The more we hang on to the unknown and avoid the truth and reality of the matter, the more we get restless and lost and inherently desperate. 

Desperation can open us to the many things that are against us. It can open us to the terrible things that want to creep into our souls and destroy our joy. DO NOT BE DESPERATE FOR YOUR FUTURE AND THE LIFE THAT YOU WISH YOU HAD. Instead be desperate for the Lord. Empty yourself to be filled by the Holy Spirit everyday. It isn't our life anyways, it was always His. It's on loan to us, and we are terrible at respecting our dues. If we all viewed our lives as precious beautiful items that have been borrowed, we would probably take better care. You take better care of the stuff that isn't yours...

So how do I deal? I seek.

I seek His will for my life and not my own. I follow hard after His lead and call, and I take advantage of every moment I have to bring glory to His Kingdom. It's the little things. We can find God in our every day, our every interaction, our every job, and our every location. Don't get caught up in the life YOU think the Lord has for you. Ask Him about the abundant Life He has for you, and the rest is relative.

Prayers and blessings,
Kristen

A River.

"Jesus says if we have received of His fullness, however small the visible measure of our lives, out of us will flow the rivers that will bless to the uttermost parts of the earth."

God rarely allows a soul to see how great a blessing He is.

A little glimpse of 'Heaven.' We've all said it. Heard it. Experienced it. Something that was so WONDERFUL & surreal that it couldn't be possibly be part of this world. In these same heavenly glimpses, we've seen awful & heartbreaking things.

When we see & experience struggle, we are more aware of God's presence in our lives. The river runs true. However seemingly terrible & miniscule our lives are, God is there in power. He is all the more able in your weakness. We see little glimpses of Heaven, miracles & absolute blessings when we are in such need. When we release ourselves to the overflow, out of it will come life & hope & purpose!

Blissfully unaware, we may experience God's blessings everyday. But very rarely does God put a label on His blessings, & when we experience it we don't know what to do. It's foreign. Impossible. Impractical. We might call it silly, because it can't be true. It's too good to be true. It's like antibodies attacking a virus, a foreign "dangerous" body. But a blessing isn't dangerous, it's miraculous. Beautiful. Glorious. It brings HOPE to a barren land, lost of love & life.

Reckless & random: the people of this world constantly search for hope, but when God reveals it to them, it can't be true. It's too GOOD to be true. Indicating that people believe only bad things should happen to them, or maybe that's all they deserve. But God is the same for all. Loving & merciful, but to follow Him means to give up old ways. To leave the dry river bed & come to the ultimate overflow.

Miracles can happen. God is beyond us. Believe & you will receive; ask & it shall be given; pray earnestly & expect to get an answer. But then FOLLOW. MOVE. It doesn't stop with a call, but with a movement. Let the river take you. Let His blessing surprise you. And hope for the day when hope isn't something you have to hope for...

-Kristen

25 years.

Sometimes you wonder if you'll ever make it to a certain age, because we all know how long it felt before we reached the age 18. And then there are some ages that creep up on you out of no where... These are the ones you dread. Time flies. No matter how many times people say that, it doesn't quite sink in until you're living it out and/or until you begin to grow "old." Time becomes so much more valuable as we get older, because we realize how truly fleeting it has always been.

Maybe it's a good thing that the only human interaction I will have on my 25th birthday is with youth. Maybe God is trying to remind me of my YOUTH. 25 is not death. I'm not a child anymore, but I'm certainly not DONE. There is so much to look forward to in every day, every year, ever moment. There is so much life left to live.

On days such as "birthdays," I make the mistake of looking to the joys & definitions of joy in the world. But that's all wrong. Joy is in your heart. It's not a thing, it's a being. He is your joy, your strength, you life. Jesus is my joy. I don't need stuff or all the things that this world can offer me. That's nothing. Nothing compared to what God has in store. I don't need a party to celebrate the life God has given me. I just needed a reminder of that blessing.

"The full flood of my life is not in bodily health, not in external happenings, not in seeing God's work succeed, but in the perfect understanding of God, & in the communion with Him that Jesus Himself had." -Oswald Chambers, August 31st, "My Joy... Your Joy."

Stop being self-conscious & live the life hid with Christ!!

"Be rightly related to God, find your joy there, & out of you will flow rivers of living water."

Today is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice & be glad in it. Even if I'm a day older for it.

Happy 25th to me...

-Kristen

Revive: The great I AM

Who am I? If I asked you right now, “Who are you?” What would you say? You might give me your name, you might tell me you’re a cheerleader, a soccer player, a musician, a daughter, a son, a Christian, fill in the blank.

…But that’s not deep enough. At the end of the day when you’ve left the judging eyes and when there’s no expectation for you to perform in a certain way, who are you? When you take off the uniform, when you put down the instrument, when you’re not at family dinner: who are you?

“Identity: the state or fact of remaining the same one or ones, as under varying aspects or conditions” (dictionary.com). Identity is who you are despite all of the variants in your life. You can “be” and do a million different things, but only one thing can truly define you. What holds your identity?

“But Moses said to God, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?”

And God said, “I will be with you. And this will be the sign to you that it is I who have sent you: When you have brought the people out of Egypt, you will worship God on this mountain.”

Moses said to God, “Suppose I go to the Israelites and say to them, ‘The God of your fathers has sent me to you,’ and they ask me, ‘What is his name?’ Then what shall I tell them?”

God said to Moses, “I AM WHO I AM. This is what you are to say to the Israelites: ‘I AM has sent me to you.’”

God also said to Moses, “Say to the Israelites, ‘The LORD, the God of your fathers—the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob—has sent me to you.’” (Exodus 3:11-15)

Moses was conflicted. He was given a difficult task, and he obviously doubted his ability to accomplish what God asked. His first question to God, “Who am I?” God simply answers, “I will be with you.” That is enough. Period. God knows there’s no real need apart from His power. But Moses continues, “What if they ask for a name?!” At this point, Moses was looking for any excuse to get out of his most important role. I can imagine God being pretty fed up at this point, which is why I believe He might have yelled from inside that burning bush. When I text or facebook, I use all-caps to signify raising my voice. I’m not going to claim that Moses, as the author of Exodus was trying to signify the same thing when he capitalized God’s response, but it is likely that God wanted to make this point clear.

“I AM WHO I AM.” There is no better way to define Him, because He is the defining one. He is the definition, the true identity. Everyone else is identified through and in Him. Whether we want to recognize that or not, God is our Creator. He holds our very being without us knowing it most of the time. Or maybe we do know it, but we just deny it.

We seek the things of this world to define us, because those things immediately satisfy us. They are tangible. We want to feel, touch, see. If we all had a yelling burning bush experience, then maybe we wouldn’t use our friends, sports, family, or school to define us. Maybe then we would turn away from the things that continue to hurt us. No love is like the love of our Father. It is true Love: unconditional, through and through. Not dependent on what we can do or be. It just is. God just is. Nothing can move or shake or change Him. He will always be constant, always be faithful, always be there.

So I ask this question again: “Who are you?” Will you continue to seek the fleeting things of this world to define you? Is it worth it? Is it worth the pain, when you realize that all these things will fade and fail? God is here now and He is waiting patiently for you to call on Him. He is waiting to pick you up from the Pit. He is waiting to hold you close and draw you near. Let go of all the things that you’re holding on to that keep you from holding on to God. He is here: reach out for Him.

Blessings,
Kristen

job 38:1-11

who am i, God?

did i know?

did i see?

did i sow?

where was i, Lord?

when the light first?

when the stars shone?

when the sea burst?

why do i presume, Father?

to lay the earth’s foundation?

to know of its dimension?

to claim all of creation?

i brace myself…

            …You are my joy

                all that is good

                my peace

                all that is beautiful

                my love

                all that is merciful

                my hope

                but above all is Grace…

                                          …above all the singing                                                                                                  

                                              stars & the shouting                                                                                                             

                                              angels, You are…

                                                                   ...who am i, God?

Saying goodbye...

This is a song I wrote at the beginning of my time here, when I first met most of the volunteers. It's called "All These People." It's about being impacted by so many people and places, and how they can change your life, your thoughts, and your heart. Enjoy!

There are times in your life when you know things have to change. You graduate high school... you graduate college... you get married... you move. Whatever it is, you know that things will be different. You can't stick with the mindset of the old, because the times will be new. Although, being here in South Africa, I've learned a whole new meaning to the word change.

First, living in a whole new place, country, continent, culture, was a huge change. Then the projects... they change, grow, adapt, progress. Then the people: one of the hardest things for me to get used to. People converging from all over the world, staying for a time and then departing. We live life together. We share everything: our clothes, our food, our testimonies, our hurts, our frustrations. And then one day, they are gone. I thought I would get used to it after the first few volunteers left, but it never got easier. It actually only became harder, because the people I was saying goodbye to last were the ones I was closest with.

I feel so blessed to have served alongside all the volunteers that have come to YFC Cape Town in this year, 2011. There were ups and downs and all-arounds, but still somehow we managed to make it work. I saw so many people come in and out from so many different countries and cultures - Germany, Holland, the entire UK, France, America - and each of these people brought something beautiful and special to this place and to this center. There is something I miss about everyone, and I could use the next 5 blog entires to list all of those things, but instead, I will just talk about a few of the people. The wonderful people who have just departed and are already so sorely missed. There will always be a vast space in my heart for each of them and also a vast space that can never be filled here at YFC Cape Town. People can try, and they can do well, but there will always be something missing.

Mirjam: my dearest roomie from Holland! One of the most generous and loving people I know. Also, one of the most affectionate, which I appreciated after Shawna, my best friend, had left SA (even though it took some getting used to, as I am not the most touchy-feely person in the world). Mirjam always knew when I was feeling down and always new exactly what to say to make me feel better. I will never forget our long talks at night before we would go to bed: going to bed at 9pm and staying up until 12am chatting about our family woes. She let me have most of the closet space (which began to become ALL of the closet space) and let me take over the room with my plethora of hats, scarves and purses. She never complained about anything. She sacrificed for everyone all the time never thinking for once about herself and what she wanted. And above all else, I knew she loved God. She loved Him with a big heart... Now she is off doing great things in Holland, finishing up her degree and always sending me the sweetest messages/letters! Mirjam, there will never be a better roommate, nor friend. You are too good to me!

Kadder: my love from Germany. What can I do without you? In the words of Blue, NOOOOOTHING! Things just don't seem to work without Kadder. I constantly think "what would Kadder do?" or "how would it be if Kadder was here?" And I know maybe that is wrong, but she just made such a big impact on lives and the center that it's hard to imagine life and the projects without her. She was one of the sweetest people I know. HANDS DOWN! She never ever ever thought about herself, and always was the first one to sacrifice if there was a need. And even if there wasn't a need, she was still the first one there to look past herself. She wore her heart on her sleeve and there was no doubt about her passion for the Lord. Everything she did was for Him. She is also one of the most adorable people I've ever met. HANDS DOWN! Which made being with her all the more better... You can never be mad at Kadder, she's just too cute! She can do no wrong ;)... In the beginning, we never thought we would ever be close. Her quiet spirit and reserved nature seemed to clash with my loud, outgoing and sometimes overwhelming spirit. But here we are: and I would consider her one of my best friends. She truly has changed my life, and I thank the Lord for her presence in my life! I know she is back doing great things in Germany! Any child would be lucky to have her as a teacher!

Lizzie: last, but certainly not least... THE Lizzie Bell. What words can truly describe this amazing woman. There really aren't enough. First and foremost, her love for Christ was contagious! She inspired me to love God more. I loved to be around her and learn from her and even just share stories with her. She was always willing to listen to my LONG stories and always gave the best advice. She never questioned anything and always tried to make situations work out for the best. She would bend over backwards and go out of her way for anyone, and that was so admirable. Even people she wasn't close to, she would still love them to so big. There is a Lizzie shaped hole in this YFC office now. I don't think anyone will ever take her place or be able to fill her shoes, she set the bar so high. And no one can replace her in my heart either! Lizzie was and still is such an amazing, special, talented, generous, caring, outstanding, gracious, proper, impressive, gorgeous individual, and I'm so blessed to have known her for this short time. Lizzie was with me until the bitter end... the last of 24 volunteers that I watched leave. And who better than her to stick it out with me. I don't know what I would have done without her and I know my time here would not have been nearly as amazing. God does truly bring people together in glorious ways! Lizzie is back teaching in England at a special needs school for students with cerebral palsy. She's always working hard and loving even harder. Thank you Lizzie for just sharing a little bit of your life with me. I'll never forget you!

I know it's not goodbye. Just goodbye for now. It's so difficult to say goodbye in these circumstances though. People from all over the world. It's so hard to say when we will see each other again, but I know one day. My heart won't ever let me forget.

-Kristen

24 & spring.

24: another day, another year gone by. On my birthday every year, I often times find myself reflecting on my life up to this point. Sometimes even just reviewing the last year to see where God has brought me in this time. You can sit around with people and use the oh so common phrase, “a year ago, around this time, I was _____________” fill in the blank. But this year is different. Very different. I am in a whole new country, a whole new home, and I am with a whole new family. It’s not a bad feeling just different. It makes me think even more about how God has brought me so far.

My time here in South Africa has been such a blessing. A challenging blessing, but a blessing nonetheless. I feel that God teaches us the greatest things through the toughest lessons. Practicing patience and loving people that I barely understand… just a few of the things God has been working on in my life. This has truly been a wild beautiful journey. Around this time, last year (ironic), I wrote a song called “23 & fall.” It’s a song about being 23, and all the expectations that go along with that. I should be thinking about marriage now or I should have a stable job. Instead I was thinking about dropping everything stable and normal in my life and heading to Africa.

Expectations are a stifling thing. We can let them make our decisions for us or change the way we experience life. At the age of 23, I let these expectations get the best of me. But God had other plans: He wanted me in South Africa, and He made a way. So now at the age of 24, I look back at an exciting year of my life. I couldn’t have predicted or planned. It was all God-breathed and orchestrated: the people and the places, the ministry and the fun. God has allowed me the opportunity to share His love all over Cape Town, and in turn, I have experienced His love in a whole new way. I am humbled by the ways He’s working here, and even the ways He’s working back home through the stories I tell and the pictures I post. I thank God for shattering my expectations…

I have friends that I will treasure for life. People that I never thought I would be able to have a relationship with. These wonderful people became my family for a season, and I miss them everyday (or will miss them for those that haven’t quite left yet). I am so thankful for those new relationships. They got me through the best of times and the worst. I wholeheartedly believe that the other volunteers were a big part of my ministry during this time. I learned so much about myself and about loving people just by living day to day. Dinnertime and movie nights and project planning: it all was meant for something greater. I WILL be seeing these people again. They will always have a bit of my heart.

So begins a new chapter… 24 & spring. It’s time to take on the next year and begin making more glorious memories. I look forward to the rest of my time here in Cape Town and what God has in store. From new faces to new places, I’m ready.

What a lovely birthday. Thanks to all those that made it so great! And thank you to my awesome housemates, who made me the best American breakfast any non-Americans could make! I am a lucky girl. Year 24, prepare to be conquered ☺

-Kristen

galatians 6:9

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." -galatians 6:9

One of my friends sent this verse to me out of nowhere. And they aren't really a good friend that knows me well, they just felt God's prompting and responded accordingly. It's truly brilliant when God literally speaks through fellow believers around you. The timing couldn't have been more perfect.

I oftentimes find myself aggravated over so many little things that build up to something BIG. It feels like I do good and do good and do good and at the end of the day I've received nothing but negative feedback or people around me have taken advantage of the fact that I chose to do good. Of course looking back on my complaints, I realize how miniscule they truly are and how much bigger they seemed at the time...

Your mind and emotions can play dirty tricks on you sometimes: making things seem way worse than they really are. I almost feel ashamed for the semi-pity parties that I throw for myself in bitterness at the end of the day. But this verse encouraged me: doing good is exhausting. "Let us not become weary," insinuating that people were becoming weary. Doing good goes against our human nature... It's a nature of God, so we have to try and work and struggle at it. Doing bad is effortless, but the weight of guilt after is impossible to bear. There's encouragement even beyond knowing that others have felt your pain: in due time we will reap, but if and only if we don't give up!

God's timing is true. We don't understand and interpret time as God does. He has a much bigger picture in mind. He knows when that harvest will be ready... It might be a heavenly harvest, but all God asks is that we don't give up. The good that we're doing, however fruitless we feel it might be, is producing a harvest that one day we will reap.

As a Christian, we must realize our faith is founded on it NOT being about us. Therefore, doing good now for no "apparent" reason may seem crazy to the world, but is honorable and just in the eyes of our Savior. The world can convince us that what we're doing is meaningless, and at times, we see that as truth and we grow weary. But when the little things pile up and weigh you down, start looking for the little things that God does and has done in your life. You will then start to see the Kingdom right before your very eyes. The glory, peace, comfort, joy, love, grace, everything GOOD!

Who can be weary before such a beautiful, awesome, and powerful Creator? That's right, no one. Do not grow weary for the Lord is upon your life and wants to help you with the little things.

Blessings,
Kristen

Upon returning to the farm...

As we rounded the corner and the farm community came within eyesight, my heart leapt a little. Would the kids remember me? Would the babies be all grown? Would the good times be forgotten? Yes, I know I was only gone for a month, but still, in ministry that feels like an eternity, especially in the lives of these kids. You always fear a little for their lives. Are they warm enough? Do they have food? Is there someone there to bandage their wounds? Some of a child’s most basic needs are not met when they live in this sort of poverty.

But there is no poverty of spirit and love in these children. They have so much joy: more than I could ever dream of having. I seem to have it all, blessed. And yet, I think they that have not are the ones who truly get it. When you have nothing, you look past the details. You realize that all you might have is yourself and those around you, so you take advantage of that. We can completely miss relationships right in front of us in our own homes, because we are too busy with details. I’m going to start living like a farm kid, at least in spirit. To act rather than to think of how great it would be to act. Our lives are but a vapor on the scale of eternity, and we need to savor every tiny moment we have to love, to live, to hope, to sing, to dance, to give, to hold.

Remember back in the day, when you were in preschool, and the teacher busted out the parachute at recess? It was the greatest thing ever; almost so great it seemed magical. Well, today we granted that same joy to the kids at the farm. It was so much fun. The kids didn’t know what to do with themselves, they were so excited. Young and old came out to enjoy the parachute. The sound of laughter rang throughout the farm: such a glorious and beautiful sound. Such a simple contraption to bring such a big impression. I look to the little things while I’m here. God moves in the littlest smiles, the littlest children, and the littlest actions: the little actions that have the biggest impact. That’s my God.

As we were wrapping things up and heading for the cars, one of the sweet girls, Courtney, jumped on my back. She was the first to greet me as I got out of the vehicle, and she wanted to be the last to say farewell. She and I became very close in my first 5 months, and it is such a joy to be back in her life again for the next 6 months. What a wonderful young girl. I just wish she knew that. I just want everything for her, but I know there’s only so much I can do. Nonetheless, I will do everything I can to make her feel loved while I am present. We laughed and danced and skipped. She just gets me, even though most of the time we can’t understand each other verbally. Her smile just warms my heart. It is just a glimpse of the purpose God has for me here. As we drove away, I looked back to see her waving and flashing that lovely smile… I saw God’s face in that moment.

Everyday here in Cape Town can leave me awestruck. But the farm will always hold a special place in my heart. The sights, the smells, the smiles, all of it… pure, true love. It’s great to be back here. I needed to reclaim this part of my heart.

-Kristen

revive 2011.

what words can i say? when something is so amazing that it is indescribable, you know that God has something to do with it. everything about this past week was completely God organized, orchestrated, and ordained. He has a mysterious and brilliant way of bringing people together and touching the hearts and lives of so many people in a moment of worship or just in a moment of kindness. for 10 years, camp has been my new year. every single june, my life turns, changes, refreshes, and i leave blue lake with a new adventure or idea set in my heart. even at the age of 23... God has renewed my spirit.

revive is not a place you come to: it's a place you leave from. a key point, when first beginning to understand revive as a movement. since i can remember, there has been a huge group of young people, adults, and parents pouring into my life... pouring into my giftings... truly guiding my footsteps. i have never been without support, even when every other support system seemed to be lacking. God provided me with a family. my revive family. i will never forget the friends, the laughs, the heartache, and the adventures that we all share with each other. i have never met such an amazing group of people, and i've journeyed far and wide. no words can express my gratitude for how much each individual person has done for me. everyone is special and near and dear to my heart, whether they realize it or not! i wouldn't be where i am today without them...

revive is about raising up leaders. it's about pushing youth to strive for their dreams, and believe in a God that can make the impossible happen. revive is about sending out. we have to let go of the control. let our guards down. surrender. let God completely encompass and direct. revive is about development. youth will stand on a dream to be a pastor, a worship leader, a doctor, a teacher, the next president, a soccer player... and we will stand with them, and simply point their gaze upwards. to the cross. to the heavens. to the God of the universe that knows every hair on their head by name. the God of the universe that created them each so uniquely and beautifully. we seek to reveal this truth to the next generation. we are vessels. we need only empty ourselves of pride and plans and let God inspire.

leadership is influence. God is Influence. everyone is a leader in our faith. you need only to shine a light in a dark place. lead people to that flame... that fire... ignite a desire in the hearts of those around you... elevated on that hill, you are not easily hidden. you are a ray of sun, midday... though some can escape your light at times, they never escape your warmth. keep loving, even when a relationship or situation feels hopeless. the shadows and shade will come, of course they will, but they pass with a new day, a new hour. we desire, as the revive staff to empower youth to believe in a greater God, and then to believe in the dreams He's given them. faith, it's the foundation and our mission.

i will leave you with my favorite moment from camp... we have focus groups one hour everyday. this year we spilt the groups up based off of age and gender. i got a girls high school group. the last day, there was not a dry eye in the room. we barely spoke a word of the prepared material, and just poured out our heart and souls to each other. some girls shared things they had never shared with anyone before. God had opened hearts... he opened minds... and now he was opening the flood gates. my heart broke. these girls have so much stuffed down in their adolescent minds and lives. it's not fair. the baggage they carry isn't even theirs: it's from parents or situations or boys. in their moment of vulnerability, God tugged my heart. the entire week, i had been preaching to these girls things that i wasn't even practicing. i began to admit my fault, and share about my own life. freedom. we became a family. a circle of sisters. that bond will never be broken. what a cool moment. thank the Lord for His goodness, and His knowledge and discernment despite me. i will never forget that special group of girls. and the world won't know what hit them as they start to venture out! God has some amazing plans for each and every one of those beautiful girls and their glorious stories!

God always shows up... every year. no matter the struggles or circumstances, He does it. thank you revive... the place, the people, the family, the love. i wouldn't be who i am today without you. this past week has been a complete confirmation of my month in the states. God always had a plan... despite me, He moves.

come to revive 2012. you won't regret it.

love,

kristen

the cederburg day 3

7 am again. Brewing coffee again. For some reason, this ritual never gets old. I will never tire of the sights, smells, and sounds of the mountainside; or the peace and stillness of the wilderness. It's unexplainably wonderful, and I feel at home. There's a part of me that will always want to be so deep in nature, and nearly one with creation and God. But I know my calling is to people and relationship. It's ok to disappear every once in a while to catch back up with God, but I know I can't selfishly hide. I've tried that before, and no matter where I ran, God found me and drew me to Himself. There's no way I can run anymore.

A bird just arrived to sing to me its morning song. A symphony of a place untainted by the pollution and corruption of the world. And I hope it stays like that. I hope these birds continue to sing their songs freely without human disruption. We tend to conquer and plunder all that's around us, but I hope for your sakes, birds, that we never make it this far.

The rain... that means no cave exploring today, but there is unnamed beauty in the rain. With the rains spring up winter wild flowers. The heat and burn of yesterday can be washed away: it cleanses, refreshes, renews, restores, reclaims. The pitter-patter on the roof lulls me to sleep again, and the scent of the wet earth is glorious. Comparable to the smell of a fresh flower: it brings joy and clarity. Here I am again: I never tire of this place, this rain, this cold cup of coffee.

Yesterday was an interesting day. The sun shone so bright and warm, you wouldn't know it was almost winter! Reminded me of home. We began with breakfast and then relaxed for a little bit. I spent some time just soaking up the sun. We then headed out to the nearby town Clanwilliam to do some exploring. We first went to a very dead flower garden... we're a little late in season for summer flowers and much too early for the winter ones. Nonetheless, we made the best of it, and I found every flower that place had left.

We also went on a tour of a tea farm. 70% of the world's rooibos tea is produced in this small area of South Africa! Who knew?! The name rooibos means "red bush" in Afrikaans. We rode around in a vintage '78 Toyota truck and got to see the rooibos growing in its natural habitat. We stopped by a processing plant as well, to see all the work that goes into making the perfect tea. It was fascinating. We ended up back at our tour guides house/shop and got to taste some of the locally grown teas. They were outstanding. Chris, our tour guide, was an interesting fellow, but clearly loved leading tours and loved nature. He could tell us so much about the area and the surrounding flora and fauna.

He talked of one flower in particular that has an amazing way of pollinating itself. During mating season for one type of beetle, the flower blooms. It blooms with 3-D images of that specific beetle on its petals. The plant will so intelligently spread the number of fake bugs among the other flowers between 0-3, so it looks very convincing. The male bug will see the flowers and think, "Oh, mates!" And fly down to impress the ladies with his mating dance. He dances all over the flower and when the girls seem uninterested he flies off for the next flower... pollinating along the way.

God is quite the designer isn't He? He made this beautiful world and all these beautiful things and we get to enjoy them! What more could we want??



-Kristen

the cederburg day 2

There's an eeriness over the mountainside this morning, as a swift wind blows. It's as if the mountains can talk, and their voice beckons to the earth. A deep, solemn tone. I made my coffee a little strong this morning, but I'm not upset. I will appreciate the energy in an hour, when everyone is hustling and bustling around our farm lodging. The wind comes and goes, just as quickly and suddenly as it started every night and into morning. Without warning it's gone, leaving only the silence of the valley and the occasional noisy bird or cow.

Time seems to be traveling at some speed lately. In Rob Bell's new book, Love Wins (which is not nearly as controversial as I expected), he talks about us as being in time, but never of it. Because we were built and destined to be somewhere else beyond this world, we are never going to get comfortable with time. It's too slow, too fast, it flies, it lags, it goes without permission ("Where did the time go?"); and most of the time, there's not enough of it when we're having those epic discussions with the people we love.

I've already been in Africa for a little over four months now. That's hectic, as the South Africans would say. I do have to ask myself, where has the time gone?! Sometimes I feel that I would love for time to pass and me to be done with this chapter and on to the next. Other times, I never want this adventure to end, and it's almost halfway over... In these beautiful surroundings before me, I NEVER want time to pass. Oh just to spend a few years in this kind of peace and tranquility, not bothered by the world or people or things! But then I know that's not what I'm called to. God's creation is to enjoy, as it draws us nearer to our actual Creator, but the people of God's creation are His prized possessions... and they need attending. That's where we come in! It's all about LOVE.

Yesterday we hiked to a marvelous waterfall. Wow. I could have spent hours there. The view from that height was spectacular and then to turn around and face the power of this natural wonder. It was breathtaking. The bite of the water produced a crisp fresh air about the falls. You just breathe in deep, hoping you can harness that feeling forever. How to put into words something that words cannot describe? It's impossible. I bask.

I finish my coffee and quietly listen to the mountains complain to the earth. Herein lies tranquility & strong coffee.



-Kristen