as of late...

I feel like it would be quite cliche and awfully corny to say, "long time no write, blog people." But in this case, that is an awfully true statement. I know I did a little bit of writing while in South Africa, but overall, it's been a solid 2 years, since I've even begun to write a thoughtful blog. So considering the magnitude of information that I could disclose right now, I will just brief you on my heart and life these days... We can go from there.

I spend a lot of time working and planning to work. This is the first time in my life that I feel my work life has absolutely overtaken my personal life. I just recently told someone, "I was much more fun, before I had two jobs." Now don't get me wrong: I love both of my jobs. And I am so blessed to even have one job, let alone two. But it is easy to get tired, restless, overwhelmed, and utterly scheduled. I remember the days when I could live so free and spontaneously, but now many of my conversations claim, "I am not busy after 4:30 on Thursday and Friday, unless I am out of town." Which it's surprising how often I am out of town (sometimes voluntary, but oftentimes necessary).

So how do I deal?

Well, God of course. Duh. There I go being cliche again, but this is the most truth I've spoken to you yet. Keeping God's purpose alive and clear in my life is really the only thing that keeps me going. I am always striving for the Lord to guide my next step or always pushing and challenging myself to love harder and live fuller. Throwing myself a pity party is going to do no good for any of us. Although, flipping a table might relieve a little bit of stress (especially if it's a bunch o' tax collectors), but our goal is not to do anything for our own gain. Pity parties are selfish. It's like have an awesome birthday party, buying yourself a bunch of gifts, baking your own cake, but then inviting no one. Then you get mad at everyone for not coming. It just doesn't make sense.

Don't get caught up in what you think SHOULD be happening in your life, but instead look at what IS happening. There is a whole life going on around you. And it's passing you by if you are focusing on the things that are NOT happening to you. Mark Twain once said, “I've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.” We worry about things that are not meant to be. Things that may never happen. Things that maybe we hope would happen, but in God's GOOD will for our lives, those things aren't supposed to happen. He knows best. He is FOR us and not against us. He has your best intentions in mind, whether you want to believe that or not. The more we hang on to the unknown and avoid the truth and reality of the matter, the more we get restless and lost and inherently desperate. 

Desperation can open us to the many things that are against us. It can open us to the terrible things that want to creep into our souls and destroy our joy. DO NOT BE DESPERATE FOR YOUR FUTURE AND THE LIFE THAT YOU WISH YOU HAD. Instead be desperate for the Lord. Empty yourself to be filled by the Holy Spirit everyday. It isn't our life anyways, it was always His. It's on loan to us, and we are terrible at respecting our dues. If we all viewed our lives as precious beautiful items that have been borrowed, we would probably take better care. You take better care of the stuff that isn't yours...

So how do I deal? I seek.

I seek His will for my life and not my own. I follow hard after His lead and call, and I take advantage of every moment I have to bring glory to His Kingdom. It's the little things. We can find God in our every day, our every interaction, our every job, and our every location. Don't get caught up in the life YOU think the Lord has for you. Ask Him about the abundant Life He has for you, and the rest is relative.

Prayers and blessings,
Kristen