Too busy to even know.

This summer has really been a blur. Not that I've had enough time to even realize... It all began with a trip to Cocoa Beach with a turn around of one night, I was on my way to Dallas. Once back in Gainesville, it was one night and I was in Pensacola for an interview and then Spanish Fort the next day to report for work. As you can imagine I just took my first breath in 4 weeks, and it was refreshing. This week has been a little slow, and of course "slow" is relative. If you know me well enough, slow is just under ridiculous. I love the challenge of constantly going and doing. Never to a point of exhaustion, but definitely to a point where I have to depend on God.

It was easy to jump back into working with the youth, and pick up right where with left off with our relationships. I have already seen growth and improvement in less than one month, and it's very encouraging. I really love it here. In so many ways, I know the two summers that I have spent here were not coincidence, and definitely not just "work." To facilitate spiritual growth is impossible apart from Christ, so you can imagine that I really have to focus on not only pouring into these youth, but pouring into my own relationship with God.

The Cockrell's are definitely my home away from home. I couldn't ask for a better family to be taking me in for the second summer in a row. They feed me, pray with me, hang out with me, and just welcome me. It's beyond hospitality, honestly.

I started this whole reading thing this summer too... it's been great. I'm actually reading 3 books right now. Well, 3 books, the Bible, and a study. Pretty impressive to go from no books to A LOT of books. I graduated college barely reading, so why now?? I was never very good at the whole quiet time thing either, and this has kind of challenged me to do so. I have to earn reading my other books by delving into the Word. It makes everything so much more rewarding.

Tonight we had a family youth pool party at one of the neighborhood pools. We didn't know what to expect. We actually didn't even expect a very big crowd... not to be pessimistic, but just to be realistic. Well, God definitely humbled us. So many kids and their families came. And a lot of youth that have kind of been disconnected so far this summer. I am just basking in utter exhaustion and joy. I hope this summer can be renewal, restoration, and refreshment for Remedy Youth. Can't wait for what God has in store, and can't wait for changed lives and a new fire for life. Tough summer? Bring it on.

night... k10

In a voicemail...

So I decided to take a nap today. Problem... the nap started at 7 pm. I ended up waking up at 11:30 and here I am writing in my blog. I realized I had missed a few calls, so I checked my voicemail. One message was from my dad... "Hey, just calling to check on you. Take that job. Call me back." With this message, I realized that I don't get to choose who my parents are. I didn't get to choose where I lived for the first 18 years of my life (plus the four in college that my parents PAID for - let's just say my whole life then). And because of my situation now, I don't get to necessarily choose my future. Through one threat from my mom, I feel I am stuck. I have never felt the pain of having clipped wings, but I sure have felt the captivity.

For once in my life, I am not so upset and angry that my parents are the way that they are, and my life happened the way that it happened. Gah, for weeks I have been listening to Paul and Ronnie talk about relationships with our parents, and I continued to turn a deaf ear... but that's where it all starts. If you can't love and respect them, how do you expect to do unto others? I must play the hand of cards I'm dealt. Many a poker player have won a hand on a bluff, but none of them have ever won by folding every time. Yeah ok, so life isn't what I thought it should be. Does that make it wrong or unfair? No. What's unfair is the gift of grace and the reward of freedom.

God gave us parents for a reason. Sometimes we question those reasons, especially when your parents refuse to believe like you do. But nevertheless, they love you. Dysfunction plagues my family, but one thing I know is true - love is there. Within that darkness and pain, there resides love. Maybe it's a glimmer; a fleeting hope, but it's there. I'm not one to have decisions made for me... never have been. But sometimes I must humble myself to truly see... an answer that has been set before me. Take it or leave it, we will still be the same. But our hearts will change.

.k10.