It feels like so long ago... it feels like it has been a decade. I remember the sad and bitter feelings, songs, and writings. I remember the pain, the confusion, and the denial. Sometimes I wonder if I have ever really recovered, or if I just pretend and hide everyday. Yoli was my inspiration and my rock in so many ways, and maybe I depended on her too much. I am always looking for some logical reason why God would take her from this earth so early. She had so much left to accomplish, and it's funny that I say that, because despite her absence here on earth, she is still doing so much...
Today was the dedication ceremony for Mama Yoli's house: a massive 3 story building that will now house over 250 children in the community of Atacucho, Ecuador. So many unresolved feelings were finally satisfied and so many uncried tears finally fell. There were no words to express my joy and humility as I looked around the roof of the building into the eyes of hundreds of Ecuadorians whose lives have been and will be changed through Yoli's legacy. Whether I want to believe it or not, she is still here. She lives in me and those who she loved and the children in Ecuador.
God has kept me from Ecuador for almost 7 years now... I may never know why, but I know why he allowed me to go this year, this summer, this moment: resolution. Sometimes God gives us a little glimpse of Heaven, and I believe today was one of those days. The joy and comfort I felt today was beyond any earthly definition, beyond humanity. During the ceremony, one of my church dads stood up to represent Yoli as a friend, and as he looked at me and my tears, he commented, "Those people around who are crying are not crying out of sadness, but instead happiness." The next thing I know, Michael, a boy who was sitting on my lap turned to look into my eyes. He wiped a tear from my cheek and asked, "Estas feliz?" I replied, "Estoy feliz... estoy muy feliz!" If you ever for once believed that God couldn't change your heart every day, every moment, then you have never been humbled like I was sitting there. Who was there for who?? Thinking that I was in this country to change lives and teach these kids about love, Michael gave me a lesson of my own and I will never be able to repay him. Love is something we try to define and throw around, but it is life, it is unfathomable, and it is God. If we have God, we have love... what else is there to understand??
I will always remember you Michael. I will always remember you Mama Yoli.
- Kristen
